26th November 2001

Hey

I’ve been thinking, and I don’t really know how to say this. 

I know we both said we’d try to do long distance next year when I go to Stellies to study IT and you go on your gap year to the UK, but after last night I’m not sure it’s going to work, and I don’t want to lead you on. I believe in brutal honesty, and I always give 110%.

The thing is we were both drunk last night at Chameleons, but I promise I wasn’t flirting with my ex. I know she sent me all those “please call mes” when we got home, but that’s cos I told her to let me know when she got home safely. I’ve told you so many times that Tarryn and I are still really great friends, and she’s going through a really hard time at the moment. After that thing with her parents at the Quarry gym I really don’t blame her.

I’m still really protective of her because she’s had a rough time, and she really needs me at the moment because we understand each other and have a history. I just wanted you guys to be friends, because I think you’d really get along, but I know you think I still have feelings for her and that I ignore you when she’s around.

You were upset because I left you by yourself, when I went to the Mist to play pool but you need to realise that I’m my own person and that I can’t be with you all the time. And sure Tarryn ended up being there too, but that’s because we have the same group of friends.

I guess it’s hard for me because I really love you, but I’m looking for something great. And while we’re good together, I’m looking for more. I want great. I feel like what I had with Tarryn was great, and I need a relationship where I can be free to be me.  

I still really want you to come to Ballito for Matric Rave, and it would be good to hang with you because I love you so much. I just don’t know if I’m ready for anything serious, but maybe we can see how it goes?

You’re such a great person, and I hope you know that it’s not you, it’s me. 

I hope you understand. 

I love you

Kyle

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